how old ARE you?!

This is a question I hear quite often, and have for years. In high school, when I'd tell others that I was a freshman, sophomore, etc., I'd hear, "Wow, you look older than that"; when I had Chloe at 21 (too young, by the way, but not a teenager!), I started hearing, "You don't look old enough to have a baby!". Well, in my opinion, I wasn't old enough to have a baby, but I did, and like I said, it's not like I was 15! For years now, I've been hearing strangers tell me that I don't look old enough to have kids, let alone three. I'll be the first to admit that I am way too young to have three kids; I'd like for my kids to be my age now before they have any!

So today I took the kids to Chloe's field day at school, and one of Chloe's friends' aunt's (did ya get that?!) was there; I introduced myself and we talked for a few moments, and then she turns to me, as if it were just killing her inside, and blurts, "Can I ask how old you are?! My sister and I both think you look way too young to have three kids! Or any for that matter!". When I told her that I would soon be 30, her jaw dropped and she said, "Wow, we were thinking you looked to be in your early 20's". HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Wow, I'm sure I should be extremely flattered, and I am flattered, but also am starting to get a bit of a complex here! I don't want others thinking I'm that young!

One day I'll be thankful, I know, I know! I'm just wondering what it is about me that appears so young..... is it the fact that my face is more broken out than a teenager these days??? Is it the new supposed-to-match-my-natural-color hair dye that I had to use to cover up the gray patch in my bangs??? Hmmmmmmmm.... guess I'll never know until the day that I'm trying to RECREATE how I look now when I'm whining that I look too old, HA! Gotta love being a woman!!!!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! Yesterday was one of those days that make me want to be a better wife and mother!!! The day started w/ breakfast at home from Cracker Barrell! I'd been craving pancakes for some time, and can't make a decent pancake to save my life (I know!), so it was sooooo perfect!

Chloe made a card for me at school that was more book-style, and was entitled "Supermom"; it went like this:

-I love you because.... You are my super mom, you help me and be nice to me and you love me.

-My mom loves me best when.... I smile and love her like she loves me; lets go mom! (not quite sure what all that meant, but you know!)

-My mom looks prettiest when.... My mom looks pretty when she goes to church.

-The funniest thing I remember about Mom is.... She tickles us and makes us laugh every day and I am just like her.

-The most special gift I could give my Mom would be.... Flowers like tulips. Purple tulips like her, I love her so much.

-A Letter to my mom.... Mom, thanks for loving me, you are the best mom that I know. You always play with me and go shopping with me and buy alot of cool clothes and shoes. I love you mom!

Now how sweet is all that?!?! Of course, I changed the spelling of a few words so you could understand it, ha! Then of course my husband, who picks out the best cards, gave me a tear-jerker, and also a version of "A Mother's Legacy", the books in which you write your own life story. I've always loved those, but he always laughs at me when I start telling stories from my childhood, so I never expected him to get one! He did write inside that, "Even though I goof around and tease..... I feel things like that are so important...."; ugh, he's so sweet!

So we went to church of course and then came home and the whole family helped cook spaghetti for lunch... it was just one of those Kodak memories :) Aaaaaaaaaaand, the REAL GIFT... Avary waited until after lunch to take her nap, SO MOMMY GOT A NAP!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, granted, Derrick fell asleep as well, leaving Chloe and Jax awake, and my house was trashed when we woke up, but, I have to pretend that the nap was worth it all, hehe!

It was a great Mother's Day, indeed. You know, I strive each day to be a 'Proverbs 31' woman, and although I know that as humans, we will never quite add up to HER, we can strive and do our best to be that Godly woman for our families. My Grandma Betty was the closest example to a Proverbs 31 woman that many have ever known. A floral arrangement sent for the funeral even had a part of the scripture written on a ribbon wrapped around the arrangement... it was beautiful and so fitting. I can remember that my grandpa kept this on their coffee table for quite some time after her passing. It just spoke exactly who she was and how she lived her life.

Reading the scriptures just encourage me to be a better mother, and a better wife. It's so easy to become discouraged and overwhelmed and even selfishly sad, but God sees our tasks and nothing goes unnoticed w/ our Father!!!! It's so encouraging to know that God does see me folding each piece of laundry and scrubbing every inch of my floor (a thousand times a day due to spills and spit-ups and you-name-it!), and he appreciates that we care enough for our families to do these tasks. When we choose to serve God, there are so many various ways in which to carry out the commitment. It's not only going to church or reading our Bibles, it's in every little thing we do! As mother's we have a critical role in the lives of our children; we shape who they will become! EEEEEEEKS! I know, it sounds scary, but as long as we follow the Word and rely on Christ to guide us, we'll survive!

I'm excited to be a mother, a GODLY mother, and I pray daily that I can live up to God's expectations of the mother that He wants me to be, and raise my children to know and follow God.

Go hug your kids, pat yourself on the back, and then GET BACK TO THAT LAUNDRY!!!! Hehe! Love you all!

Okay....

So I realize this blog has been back and forth and everything in between... sorry! I really felt like I wanted to devote the blog to devotions each day, but then I felt major pressure on days that I couldn't blog or on days that I was feeling 'blank', and it just overwhelmed me emotionally, to the point that I just didn't even want to hear the word 'blog'! So, it's back to the way it started... maybe-not-daily blogs about daily life and my random thoughts and anything else.... there may be a devotional-style blog added in here and there, but maybe not! I feel like the blog is a good place for family and friends to stay in touch w/ our lives, so I do feel that I need to keep it up, but this time, it's w/ no expectations or requirements. Is that okay w/ everyone here? Thought so!

"Fill 'er up, Please"

Okay, so I've had a post in mind for a week now and for some reason, cannot get it to translate well from head to paper :( I've prayed for God to give me the words, the compilation of this jumble of information in my mind. Unfortunately, this is not the post! Sorry! I'm still praying over it; obviously, it's just not time. But it's got me frustrated!

Why can't I get this out? Am I not giving something to God to in turn get His help w/ this? Possibly.

I've been consumed lately by thoughts. Not bad thoughts, but they have been worrisome thoughts and stressful thoughts, and that IS a hindrance.... this I know. Why is it so hard for humans... or for me... to just let go??? I know that it drives me crazy! I'm going along just fine and then all of a sudden I let my worries and stresses stop me in my tracks. And then I sit. I feel like I can't get through. I need a refill, God!!!

God says it so simply in Matthew 25:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" And then in Psalm 55:22, "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

I find comfort in the scriptures, but sometimes I just let my flesh overpower what I know to be true.

"Even as I sit here now, Lord, I can feel wrinkles in my expression. I am stressed right now. I feel like I need a break. I love being a stay at home mom and I love my family, but I'm overwhelmed right now. I know that my worries and my stresses are sooooooo tiny compared to others. I look around and I know that so many are hurting right now, Lord, far more than I can begin to imagine. The thing is, I know that you care also about my trivial worries and stresses, and I know that you are far more qualified than I to handle them with the proper care. I stress because as I sit here and attempt to write for you (right?), my children are at my feet, needing one thing after another, my mind is filled with the worries of certain family members, I am everywhere but here, Lord! Forgive me! Why do I continue to worry and burden myself with these cares when I have your Promise to take them from me? I tell my youth to give their worries to you, Lord, but I can't practice what I preach? I'm ashamed. I need your help, Father, to prioritize my time. Why can I organize my closet but not my time? I need to devote more undivided time to my children. MORE undivided time to YOU, Lord... you KNOW that!!! More time to my husband. Why is it that I am home all day, and still feel that I'm struggling to finish chores, let alone spend time with you, my children, my husband, and myself????? UGH! I'm struggling, Lord, and I know only you know how to fix my boo-boos. I'm very good at making boo-boos, but not so great at the band-aid part. Help! Father I know you have a plan with this blog.... there is a reason that you are giving me thoughts, but not putting them into words yet. I want to reach others, and yet I'm consumed by my own struggles. I know you're working, Lord. I know I need to seek more. Please help me to prioritize my time and to be productive with every minute of every day, Lord. Help me be a blessing to others through you. Help me to not burden my life or anyone else's with my struggles, but place them in YOUR hands, Lord, where I know they will be better dealt with anyways! I love you, Father, and I place this blog in your hands as well, Lord. Have it and do with it what you will. Have your will upon the direction of this blog, and the direction of my life. Teach me, Lord. I don't even have to mention what I need help in; I'm just laying my troubles at your feet and asking you to meet me. I cannot do anything on my own, God, you know that! Here I am; heart, mind, soul, arms open."

..... and as I decide to look one more place, He gives me this......... God's awesome power never ceases to amaze......

Psalm 62:5, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

"I'll have what she's having!"

Ever said that? In a restaurant, more than likely, most of us have. But have you ever said that to... God, perhaps? Have you ever thought, "I'd like to have faith like so-and-so", or, "I'd love to be able to let go in worship like so-and-so"? I have; I've thought these and more, many times. I've said in posts before (yeah, last year when I last posted... get off my back!) that I'd love to have a passion to learn more about Christ like my friend Meredith. Meredith and I have never met, and may never until we reach our final destination one fine day, but I stumbled across Meredith's blog by not-so-accident one day and was just blown away w/ her yearning and passion. I was embarassed in fact, that I was a preacher's wife and didn't have half the passion I saw in Meredith.

Welllllll, here we are, over a year later, and it seems I've let a whole year slip by without even caring that I am still not there. It breaks my heart that I have pushed 'pause' in my relationship w/ God due to life circumstances; there is no excuse. Yes, I made a major move w/ my family to follow a ministry calling. Yes, I had a daughter 11 weeks early and yes, she was hospitalized for nearly 2 months. Yes, it was stressful transitioning her to our home. Yes it was stressful transitioning US to a family of 5. Yes, it's been a stressful year being away from family. Yes, life gets that way, BUT IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOO! Not-so-ironically, I typed in the wrong web address for a friend of mine's blog earlier, and it took me to her old blog, where there was but one post lingering. It was about giving everything to God and not focusing on our lives and what was and wasn't about them, but focusing on God and others, and then our lives would in turn of course make more sense! I replied to this post before realizing it was old and written earlier this past year, but then I realized there was definitely a reason I'd run into it! It is NOT ABOUT US!!!!! Nothing in this life is. IT IS ABOUT GOD. And when we come to realize this, which is difficult b/c we are human, we will all be a happier people. Yeah, even happier than after that mocha latte'!

The problem is that we just don't get it. We live our daily lives. We fall into our daily routine. We become something that we don't realize we've become until it slaps us in the face. It's so easy. Go to work. Go to church. Read your Bible. Pray. Eat. Sleep. Wake up and do it all over again. We don't want to become robotic in our walk, and yet we do. Mac Powell, lead singer of Third Day, once said, "Within our lives no matter where we could go, or who we could see, or who we could meet, or what we could earn, or be given to us, or accomplish, there is nothing in our lives that will ever come close to the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ." So then why to we put so much emphasis on everything but???? Good question!

WAKE UP!!!!!! And this time, REALLY WAKE UP!!!!!!! I'm ready! It is time to step over the edge into a spiritual journey w/ our Father that is out of the ordinary, far beyond mediocrity, OUT OF THIS WORLD AWESOME!!! I'm ready to go, and I'll take whoever wants to go w/ me ;)

"... but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

God is much stronger than your espresso.... rely more on Him!!!!

This is the air I breathe

I don't have much time on here, but I'll try to update. Avary is doing well; she is off of all breathing aids, just breathing room air on her own and is doing well w/ it. Praise God! She is is up to 1/2 oz. of breastmilk in her feeding tube every three hours. Most of everything is well for her; she has a heart murmur that is getting louder, so they may run tests next week on her heart, but I'm speaking another miracle for her! Her first brain scan (last week) came back normal... THANK YOU GOD! She is now 2 1/2 weeks old... can you believe it?! She is precious. She is an angel! OH, she's sucking on a pacifier also which is awesome! Go Avary! I always tell her what a big, strong girl she is... she tells me she likes that ;)

Ugh, it is so hard to leave her. It's getting harder b/c she's getting more alert also. She's so darn precious! And she just loves her mommy :) I'm struggling b/c it's been really hard on my body lately, and my doctor told me to alternate days that I go to see her. Yuck. She's mad about that, ha, and mommy too :( Next week they will start to put her to breast.... I'm trying to find someone to possibly keep Jax a couple days a week so I can spend more time w/ her; one hour every other day is not enough.

I should stop griping.... life could be so much worse, you know? God has been SO AMAZING to us and I couldn't ask for more. I'm just being selfish.

God has given me breath, given me three beautiful, amazing children, and an amazing husband, and amazing family and friends, and an amazing church family....... Avary is in great hands and I can't ask for more. This is the air that I breathe for now. I will pray for strength to breathe it in the way God has planned for me. I will pray for peace and safety. I will praise Him through this storm, just as I have before. Praise you, Father for your blessings!

"The Lord is my refuge and my fortress", Psalm 91:2

BOO!

Okay, no one pass out, please. I know, I know..... it's been what? A year or so since I've posted?? Ha, not really of course since I've only been a blogger for a few months, but it seems like it's been awhile since my last blog. I apologize. I have some good excuses, actually just one.... my computer has been out of commission, but it is back in business! Woohooooo! I've been able to QUICKLY check email through my computer at work, but there's not time there to even email anyone back hardly :( Sooooooooooooo, please accept my apologies and I hope to be back in the swing of blogging often :)


Okay, I'm not even sure where to start w/ an update; so much has gone on since I've last blogged! Chloe started kindergarten (waaah), I started my new job....... the list is loooooooooong, let me tell ya!


Chloe........ I'll post some first day pics soon.......... let me just say she looked adorable! She did better than expected on her first day. There were tears........ mostly from Derrick and I....... but not in front of her of course! She seemed very serious all morning, and then when she sat in her seat, the tears started flowing :( She just sat there, w/ a very serious stare, w/ tears flowing down her cheeks :( Walking out of that classroom was the hardest thing so far I've done as a parent! I don't think I'm kidding! Whew. I had a dr. appt. that day, so Derrick and I spent the day doing that and every 10 minutes or so, one of us would say, "What do you think Chloe's doing?"..... and the waterworks would start back up again, HAAAAAAA! We are such dorks! Anyways, she's cool w/ school now; for the first couple of weeks, she didn't like it b/c it was 'boring'. Sorry kiddo, you've got 12 years of boredom ahead if you think KINDERGARTEN is boring! I kid you not, she said her fave part of the day was lunch and naptime, HAAAAAAA! Well, actually when she mentioned naptime being her fave part, we decided we'd better send her to bed an hour earlier than her set bedtime, ha! And yes, she raves about the goulash...... wow...... what a kid! I could be spending alot less time on dinner if I'd known that earlier! Hehe!

Jax is doing great as well........ let's just say, he's almost 2! He's a little sweetheart though; he's my cuddler and such a mama's boy...... gotta love it! He's talking soooooooo much now; it's amazing how quickly that takes place! His words are so adorable, and he loves to be protective of his big sissy! It's so cracks me up how they can be going back and forth arguing, but the minute I get onto one of them, the other is quick to stand up for their sibling! I love it!

The pregnancy is going well, still a few problems, but the doctor thinks that everything will be okay. I know it will. We will hopefully find out next week what we're having! Can't wait!!!! I would love to have a bit more energy; my new job is demanding and I have zero energy left at the end of the day, but life goes on :)

Well, I need to get off of here for now, I have sooooooooooo many blogs written down that I need to get busy on! I'll try to get to them quickly :)

Love and miss all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!