Living this life one sip at a time

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Spicyyyyyyyyyy!

Just a cute little Chloe-ism for you today; yesterday morning Chloe asked if she could use my toothpaste instead of her own and when she began to brush her teeth, she spit it out and said, "Whew! That toothpaste is spicy!" Tooooooo cute :) Have a great day!!!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Dear Grandma.....

Dear Grandma,

I have had you heavy on my mind for over a week now. I can't stop thinking of how much I miss you. Remember how, when you heard of Derrick's calling into the ministry, you started giving me advice on being a Preacher's wife and told me to call you anytime? Well, I want to call you now. I'm stressed, grandma. I need your advice, now more than ever. Derrick is such an awesome man of God and I love him more than he'll ever know. But I'm feeling left out, stuck in the shadows. With two young children, it's hard for me to do everything w/ the youth that he gets to. I feel like he's so much more connected to them than I am. I feel like I'm just 'Derrick's wife'. "There's Derrick! Oh, look how cute, the kids!" "Helloooooooo, here I am too! I can be fun too! I am a great listener!" They don't hear me grandma, and I feel they don't even notice me. It's hard. I love my kids to pieces, but staying home night after night while Derrick does Bible study and various things that we can't take the kids to...... it's getting frustrating. I could leave the kids w/ someone, but since I've had to go back to work, it seems like I rarely see them anyways, and it would just be so unfair to them. Derrick is doing an awesome work. And now we're starting this ministry in Gore...... we've prayed for this for so long, and God has blessed us sooooooooo much lately, but why am I feeling this way, grandma??? Will it pass? I don't want to have resentment towards our work for the Lord. How do I deal??? How did you??? I know you felt this way; you told me you did at times. You told me it would be hard, but I never ever thought you'd be gone when I actually needed the 'preacher's wives hug'. Is all of this just selfishness? Of course it is. I need to pray harder, I know this. Maybe it's not that I really need 'preacher's wife advice' from you now, maybe I just miss you so much that I'm looking for any reason to wish you were here. I smelled you the other day. I picked up a blanket off of the floor and smelled it, re-smelled it, and smelled it again. It was you. THAT smell. It wasn't even one of the items grandpa gave me after you passed; it was just a random blanket, but you were all over it. I sat on the bed, with the blanket pressed to my nose, closing my eyes, and just breathed your memories in. I don't think you knew how much I loved and appreciated you. I missed a call from you the night before you had your stroke. I'm sorry. And I haven't been to your grave yet either. Why? I don't know. I just don't know. It shouldn't be a big deal, right? Then why haven't I been there??? I used to go to Cory's. I used to wish I lived closer to Cory's grave so I could go more often. I'm sorry that I haven't been there. You were my role model, grandma. I always wanted to be a wife like you were, a mother like you were, a grandmother like you were. I think I'm failing at the wife and mother dream. You were so much stronger than I am. I would ask you to pray for me, for my strength as a wife and mother, if you were only a phone call away right now. Instead of wishing you were here to turn to for advice, I need to be praying harder, praying that God would teach me how to be the wife and mother and person that HE wants me to be, not who you were, right? Yep, that's what you would say! Yes, I'm getting somewhere! You left in your Bible scriptures that you wanted your children and grandchildren to know and remember, and I'm still working on highlighting those in my Bible. Thank you so much for that, grandma! I'll always look at those verses and know that you treasured them and held them close to your heart, and that you loved me enough to want me to know them and I will treasure them as well. You were awesome, grandma! Awesome! And I know you're having a BLAST in Heaven, praising God and dancing (yeah, I know you are!) and singing, probably playing an accordian.... I can see your big smile! I know you are in such bliss that these miniscule tribulations of mine seem so petty. I know that all I need to do is cling to the Word of God and trust in HIM to get me through these times, and I will one day be by your side praising our Lord!!!!! Can't wait, grandma! Thank you for loving me, and for loving my family. Thank you for leaving an amazing legacy, and thank you for being you, and for teaching me things I will never forget. Thank you for leading me to Christ, thank you for rejoicing anytime I was, and most of all, thank you for being a woman as described in Proverbs, and for leaving footsteps for me to follow in! I love and miss you grandma, but I also rejoice in your happiness and peace in Heaven! Writing this has helped me tremendously right now, and although you can't read it, maybe God can help me out a little ;) Love you so much!

Love,
Crystal Sunshine (you always called me that!)

The Days of Our Nine Lives

And Life With Chloe continues! First I must say, I dislike cats. Yes, that's right, for those of you that did not know, I am not a cat-lover. I'm not an animal lover per say. They're cute, and that's about all. Don't wanna touch, don't wanna sleep w/ them...... they're just not my thing. Never have been. Please do not call the animal rights group on me and say I'm an animal-hater, I never said hate, just am not a major animal person. My daughter on the other hand, loves animals. Loves them. Jax also. Great. So, Chloe always has to have a cat; however, since I happen to be allergic to cats (yes, I really am), we do not have them inside and so b/c of the fact that they must stay outside, they don't live for long periods of time. A year or so usually. So, we find ourselves often searching through the paper for a new friend for Miss Chloe. We've had Snow White, Cinderella, Hello Kitty, and the latest, Marsha (whom was initially named Dorothy but Chloe decided that she looked more like a Marsha after a few weeks). So, we've had Marsha since about a month before Jax was born, so a bit over a year and a half. Well, 4 weeks ago, Marsha had kittens. You might say that Marsha is the neighborhood...... hmmm..... well, you know. Anyways, four kittens are to show for her actions. All was well, UNTIL 4 days ago when Marsha went missing. Nice, now we have four kittens who must be fed by bottle. So, Derrick and Chloe were feeding the kittens last night and Chloe says, "Well, I think it's time to name these kids." To her personal delight, they are all female! Derrick and I both happen to say, at the very same time, "Here we go", ha! So she starts off with, "Makayla", and Derrick says, "Can we PLEASE give these kittens real animal names?" So she continues to think....... we now have Snowflake (who is all white), Tiger (who is gray w/ black stripes), Stripes (who is brown w/ black stripes), and, drumroll please................ Scaredy Cat (yes, we have to call her that; she is white w/ a gray tail and always wants to stay in the box, thus the name)........ boy do I feel sorry for Chloe's kids one day! Well, we had yet to say anything to her about the possibility of Marsha being d-e-a-d, and while she was feeding one of the kittens, she was talking to her, "Hey baby kitty. I'm so sorry we can't find your mommy; I guess she ran away....... or........ MOM, you don't think Marsha is dead do you????????" I had to tell her that she could be, but we weren't sure. So of course then she breaks out in tears. She said it was so unfair to the kitties, and then asked when we were going to get a new Mommy cat who could 'dopt them. After we explained to her that an older cat would probably not like the kittens, she was upset that no cat would want to 'dopt four poor kittens w/ no Mommy. So after a very lengthy process, she finally accepted that if she helps take good care of them for a few more weeks, they would be old enough to take care of themselves, b/c a cats age is different from that of a human. Whew, it was major! Don't think there wasn't also a very lengthy prayer for Marsha last night either!

So a bit later Chloe breaks out a craft kit that has crosses to decorate with fish symbols, etc. We were each making one and Derrick said that he was done, after having put nothing on his cross. Chloe replies, "Oh no you're not, you have to decorate it!" He told her he didn't really feel like doing crafts and she, out of the clear blue sky, replies, "Oh is that right? So, you don't care about 'dopted kids?" (all the while staring him down) He and I looked at each other in confusion as Chloe says, "So I guess you didn't know these were for kids who need to be 'dopted and have no parents. Well, I guess you don't care about Elicia then, right???? Fine, we'll do extra to make up for yours..... I hope you know that Jesus is probably crying right now too, Dad." WHOA! Take THAT Daddy, hehe!

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This morning Chloe tells me, "Last week at school, Mason asked me if I wanted to go out with him sometime, and I told him sure. Then, he asked Maria if she wanted to go out with him and she said 'whateva', and I told her that was rude, if a boy asks you out, you should go b/c it could be really fun." WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHLOE MORGAN!!!!!! A loooooooooooooooooong talk about boys, dating, age, and appropriate behavior around boys followed this one. *Dear Lord, please send us to a deserted village for mission work before Chloe becomes a teenager, or just start giving me extra strength now so I'll have enough built up to handle those days!*

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Okay, for those of you who don't know, when I was pregnant w/ Jax, Chloe wanted to name him Oliver. Derrick and I had finally thought about naming his middle name Oliver, until we decided on Canaan. Well, we couldn't bare to tell her that we'd chosen another name, and she was just four, so we thought we'd just not say anything and if she wanted to call him Oliver for awhile, that was fine. Well, anytime he has gotten into something, she says, "Jax Canaan Oliver........", so last night we were playing doctor, and she asked for 'my son's full name', and wanted me to spell it out. So I said, "J-A-X, Jax, C-A-N-A-A-N, Canaan, H-O-R-N----", "MA'AM! You forgot a part of your son's name.... Oliver!" GREAT! So Derrick says, "Chloe, that's not really part of his name, babe, it's just Jax Canaan". At this point, Chloe has had it w/ her daddy's attitude tonight (ha) and says to Jax, "Don't worry bubby, that IS part of your name, daddy just doesn't remember I guess, and sometimes he's kind of crazy".............. HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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Never, never a dull moment in life w/ CHLOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless her!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Sibling Love

Don't have much to say, other than I just think it is so adorably cute how Jax is looking up at Chloe w/ an adoration that only a brother could have!!! Be still my heart!

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Are you The One?

2 Chronicles 16:9a, “For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”

WOW! When I read this verse this morning, I got chills! Just imagine the Lord scanning the earth, looking for that one person, that normal, 'no-one special' someone to carry out His next Plan. I know what you're thinking, "Wait, God doesn't want someone 'normal', someone 'not-so-special' to carry out HIS awesome plan.... He wants some famous, amazing, well-known, big, lofty, beautiful someone for that, right?!" Oh but we're so wrong! Was Mary famous for her enunciated, loudly spoken prayers??? Nope! Did she trot around with a "Honk if you love God" sticker on her donkey, or a "WWGD" bracelet (I replaced J w/ G because we're talking Mary, mother of Jesus here, people!)??? NOPE! Mary was a quiet girl, nothing 'special' (so to speak), but God has HIS eyes on HER; He knew her HEART.

I find it quite intriguing that God could care less about status. God looks not at our clothes, our status-quo, and no, not even our "Honk if you love Jesus" stickers (he does love a witness, but we have to live up to actually having that sticker or it means nothing to God!)........ God looks at our HEARTS! He can separate the Somebodies from the Nobodies in His eyes. He knows who desparately seeks Him, He knows who will carry out the purpose He has for them. Oh, He knows!

I just pray that I will take this scripture to heart always, pray that God would strengthen me to do whatever it is He has planned for me, remembering that God doesn't need the Me that likes to pray 'properly', the Me that wants others to see what I've done for God; He wants the Me that is fervently seeking Him, His plan, His Word, and the Me that will take what He has for me and use it with every ounce of my WHOLE self, only to bring Glory to HIM!!!!!

The next time you think you might be 'the next big thing' on American Idol, Dancing with the Stars (Chloe, listen sweetie!), or even Trinity Broadcasting Network, wonder more if you could be the next Mary, Noah, or David! God is watching each of us; where is your heart?!

Remember that we are ALL worthy in HIS SIGHT!!!!! Awesome, huh?! Love and prayers!

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Chloe-isms

Praise the Lord for Chloe; my life would be so boring without her! Here are a few of this weeks Chloe-isms...........

We were watching Dancing w/ the Stars and she didn't like an outfit on one of the dancers, then that couple happened to get so-so scores on their performance, so Chloe says, "What a lizard".... HUH?! So Chloe explains to us that calling someone a 'loser' is not nice, so she's decided that she will be calling that person a 'lizard'. Well, we had to burst her bubble and tell her that calling someone names, regardless of the name she chooses, is not very nice either way. She simply said, "Okay." OK.

Also during Dancing w/ the Stars, Chloe decided she needs to be on the show when she 'grows up'. So she was telling us all about her outfit, what her 'guy' would wear (by the way, she said she will NOT let her 'guy' wear the same color shirt as her outfit, b/c that looks weird)...... so she's watching a dance and says, "Whoa, when I'm on this show, I will not be doing the flips over my guy....... you could break something doing that, like your back or a bone!" Guess I should quit saying, "Stop it or you'll break something"........ HA!

I went to get the milk out of the refridgerator and something fell out as I did; Derrick said, "Don't break it!", and Chloe responded, "DAD, do not tell my mom you're breaking up with her....... if you do, I will not even live with you, I'm moving w/ mom!"............ WHOA.......... where did that come from????? I didn't even know she knew anything about breaking up and divorce; then I remembered that a friend of hers from 'school' lives w/ her mom sometimes and her dad sometimes........... sad :(

Chloe: "Mom, am I allergic to wine"
Me: "HUH!?!?!"
Chloe: "Addie said that her mom told her she's allergic to wine. I told her that I wasn't; she said she's allergic to beer too but I told her that I like beer........ I told her that all I was allergic to was peanut butter."
Me: (after I pick myself up off of the floor) "Chloe, first of all, you're not allergic to peanut butter, you just don't like it. Secondly, the 'beer' that you like is ROOT beer, and there is a difference between root beer and beer........."
Chloe (interrupts): "So am I allergic to wine and beer too then???"
Me: "Wine and beer are drinks that are not good for..........."
Chloe (interrupts again): "So am I allergic to them or not?"
Me: "Yes, yes you are, Chloe." Sheesh.

After I picked the kids up from daycare on Tuesday, Chloe was very quiet. I asked her what was wrong and she says, "Mom, I need to ask you something."....... here we go.......... "Where were you today?" I told her I was at work, and she says, "Mom, I know you weren't"..... what? "Yes I was, what do you mean you know I wasn't at work?" "Mom, when Jayden got to daycare after school, she said she passed your work on the bus and your car wasn't there." The girl is keeping tabs on me now! So after I explained to her that I had let Aunt Misty borrow my car for the afternoon, she was fine...... the poor child was worried about it all afternoon! Silly girl!

This last Chloe-ism is actually one from some time ago (there are LOTS of those!), but my sister said something yesterday that reminded me of it and I wanted to post about it b/c it's so darn cute............... when Chloe used to think something was 'crazy' or 'outrageous', she'd say, "That's expensive!" Every single time! No clue on earth WHERE it came from, but that was her 'outrageous' word....... man I love that girl!

I guess that's it for now; I could write a book about Chloe....... hmmm, maybe I will, hehe! Chloe is nothing like I ever imagined any of my children to be, but I thank God for EXACTLY who she is, and I know that she is the way she is because God WANTS her to be that way; He has a plan for her life and He knows that she needs her personality for that purpose, so I praise Him for who HE MADE HER!

Love and prayers!