Are You Kidding Me Right Now?!

*I just realized this post was sitting in my 'drafts' folder and hadn't been published yet on the blog... it's old and was actually written several weeks ago; sorry!*


It's a Sunday night. Well, it's THE Sunday night before I leave for my writer's conference in North Carolina! There is more info to come on that later, but you should know that my last couple of months have been nothing but LAAAAATE nights, preparing book proposals, one sheets, articles, and more. You could say that I'm exhausted, but I've been more exhausted before, so it's no stranger. And, the exhaustion is blinded by this crazy, giddy drive and anticipation of the conference! I've tried to attend She Speaks for several years now, and something has always come in the way. NOT THIS YEAR! I leave early Thursday morning and I. CAN'T. WAIT!

I've been 'mommy-stressed', of course; trying to prepare three kids and a husband to be away from their momma & wife is not an easy task! Chloe (almost 11) leaves for church camp tomorrow morning, so there's been packing and prepping for that as well.

This evening, the kids decided we needed to play a family round of what we call 'Wall Ball'. So outside we go to spend the last evening together before a week of crazy, sporadic separation. Avary (4) has a tendency to acquire injury during Wall Ball, so she and I sat on the sidelines and cheered. She bounced up on my lap, and I'm sure I had been rubbing her legs, back, hair, as I normally always do. Several minutes later, she said, "Momma, feel my legs; aren't they soft?"... "Yes, Avary, they are".... "I know they are, momma; Chloe shaved them in the shower last night"....

SAY WHUUUUUUT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm pretty certain that I threw Avary off of my lap; rubbing up and down her legs, realizing that, yes, THEYARE SMOOTH!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! 

I think much of my life flashed before my eyes in that moment. My dreams, my fears, my failures, visions of my children as babies... there they all came in an instant... and then the hyperventilation. 

"CHLOE! Did you shave your sister's legs?????" To which Chloe responded, "No," to which I responded, "Chloe, DID YOU SHAVE YOUR SISTER'S LEGS???" Chloe denied the accusations, and Avary stood there, innocently shaking her head 'yes', all the while smiling happily. So, Avary finally said, "Come here, mom, I'll show you..."  It was then that Chloe frantically says, "MOM, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!" I put my hand out as to say 'just wait', and followed Avary to the bathroom. She proceeds to show me the DISPOSABLE RAZOR that Chloe used to shave her legs with! 

AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

I am in serious agony at that point. Like, SERIOUS. My baby girl... FOUR YEARS OLD... has had her legs shaven!!!!!! Breathe, Crystal... b-r-e-a-t-h-e. 

Now, I should say that it wasn't until less than a year ago, that Chloe was even allowed to start shaving with an ELECTRIC razor. And literally, one week ago, I agreed to let her have a go at the disposable razor. I should also say that my girls do not regularly shower together, nor does Chloe regularly help with Avary's baths. However, last night I unexpectedly needed to head to the hospital to pray with a lady who'd just had an emergency c-section to deliver her baby at 26 weeks gestation. Having experience with this, and also being in the ministry, I felt compelled to offer prayer and encouragement immediately. So I asked Chloe if she felt like she could take on the responsibility of giving Avary a bath. She asked if they could just take a shower together. "Why not", I thought. And THAT is when it all went down. 

I will admit, that my head was spinning. I wanted to lose it. But God told me to pray. PRAY. I will also admit that I just wanted to deal with the situation, and THEN pray! I went to instruct Chloe to go to her room so that her daddy and I could discuss punishment, and she begins to scream and bawl that Avary "forced her to do it". Yes, those four year olds are ruthless. GAH! 

As I walked into the living room, dazed and confused, I could see that Derrick knew that I was just in a cloud of fury and hurt and... I'm not really sure what else... so he sent me to my room to pray, and he took the first round with Chloe. Let me tell ya, God knew what he was doing when he asked me to stop and pray, 'cuz, I'm just not real sure how I was going to handle this! (see, I even said, 'cuz)

Keeping the interrogation details confidential for Chloe's sake, I will say that we had a good discussion about the crime, the punishment, and also about God's grace and mercy! (that one was for both of us!) But since I know that inquiring minds want to know, Chloe lied about the offense because she was afraid that we would keep her from going to church camp tomorrow. HAAAAAAAAAA! Oooooooooh honeyyyyyyy.... you are GOING to church camp.... EVERY SINGLE ONE!!!

(You know, as much as I wanted to come unglued on that child, the outcome was so much greater when I stopped and allowed God to take control. I'll admit that I don't always succeed at that. There have been plenty of times that I've let my tone of voice get out of control, or fly off the handle with some crazy punishment before rationalizing. I, for one, am thankful for God's grace as well!)

"The amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with all of you." 2 Corinthians 13:14 (MSG)

Ponies & Lollipops

Last week Avary (4), said to me as I tucked her in for bed, "Goodnight mommy; I hope you dream about ponies and lollipops." It was one of the most precious things I've ever heard... especially with her lisp! (can you hear it? 'poneethh and lollipopth')

My first day back to college after 13 years was today. Let's just say that it wasn't all "Ponies & Lollipops"... not in the least! 

The day started off with a separation-anxious six year old son. Jax (who has had many issues since the tornado last year), has had a rough time adjusting to going to first grade. This morning was by far our worst morning yet, as he clutched my leg with one arm and the door of his classroom with the other, and literally screamed, "MOMMYYYY, I NEEEED YOUUUU!!!" Talk about ripping my heart out. I wanted to grab him and run, but I knew that would solve nothing. He finally got into his classroom and I stood out of sight and lost it. I'm thankful for the perfect timing of a friend, who hugged and encouraged this momma in that moment... God knew I needed that! (thanks, Sheenah!) 

As I left the school, memories of being home with my babies flooded over me, and in the comfort of my little white minivan, I bawled like a baby.  For real. Boo-hooing at its finest. It was then that I realized we were entering [another] new season. Bittersweet, for sure. I always embrace 'new'. Welllllll, okay, not always. But I do try; I love a new adventure! This just happens to be one of those seasons that are hard for a momma to swallow, let alone embrace. But again, we have prayed and know that God is guiding us through this place, through this season. He's literally all over it, and it's exciting! It doesn't mean there won't be growing pains, though! 

So after getting home and crying to my [fabulous] husband, I wiped my tears, attempted to cover up my tear-swollen eyes, and headed to school. I was one stoplight away from the college when it dawned on me that I'd forgotten my backpack, books... pretty much every item one would require for school. Okay, you can do this... no biggie, so you forgot your books. I arrived at campus and realized I'd forgotten my laptop; not a huge deal. I'd planned on taking care of my online classes during my break, but I'd just have to deal with it later. I decided to take a deep breath and pray. Lord, was this really a good idea? Maybe I should give it up now and realize this dream may not become a reality. It's okay if it's not really supposed to happen. It was this exact moment that the lyrics of "One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture came on the radio, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me..." Okay, I hear you! You never give up on me... I'm not giving up on your plans for me!

So as I'm transferring items from my purse to my backpack, my nervous stomach decides to kick in. REALLY?!?! Yep, really. Okay, maybe I should give up NOW! (just kidding!) Sparing details, I'll just say that I spent 25 minutes of the 30 I had before class, praying in the bathroom that I would make it to class on time. Go ahead, laugh. Laugh your head off. One day I will..... 

I did make it to my first class on time, YAY! I also really enjoyed my instructor and think I will enjoy the class as well. In fact, I enjoyed all of my classes today. I'm wishing I hadn't enrolled in two online classes, however. Here I sit, not able to log onto them due to website overload at this time. Fabulous. (In the morning maybe?!)

If you know me, you know that I try to live up to my middle name, and find the "Sunshine" in every situation. So, here is the 'Sunshine List' for today, the 'good news', if you will: 

1)  Contrary to prior fear, mine was NOT the only minivan parked in the student parking lot; 
2)  I didn't run into any of my students on campus (you're welcome!)... I was only hoping not, so as not to embarrass them; 
3)  I was not the oldest student in one of my classes; and
4)  My kids had a great day at school, which is enough to cross out all of the negatives! 

"... I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know that I'm doing. I have it all planned out-- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:10-11 (MSG)

Ready or not, here I come!

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LoTs oF COFFEE!!!!

*SHUDDER* That's right, folks... I'm going back to school! I can't decide if I'm excited or nervous, smart or completely out of my mind. Probably a combination of all of these! 

Point is: the timing is right. I've known for some time that God was directing me this way, but the timing has never been quite right. 

Here goes nothing. I will now be the Old Cat Lady in classes... even though I hate cats... these 18 year olds will see me as that. I know this b/c there were plenty of them in my classes when *I* was 18 and in college! Fabulouso. 

My kids seem indifferent right now about it. Well, minus Jax. A few weeks ago, we sat at the mall watching the bungee jump while we waited on Chloe. Something was said about school, and I asked him what he thought about Mommy going back to school. The puzzled look arrived on his face, and I explained to him that I'd started college, but hadn't finished. He responded, "YOU DIDN'T GRADUATE?!".  For the record, I graduated high school, people, but not college. This did not matter to my six year old son. Again, "You mean you're a MOM, and you DIDN'T GRADUATE????". The child was mortified. As was I. The word 'loser' appeared to be racing through his mind, though I can't be certain. Our eyes jumped up and down watching the bungee kids, while I hung dangling by the tiny thread of confidence that my son had left in me. Then came his final question, "Mom, does dad know about this?"

Jax was so bothered by my confession that it was the first thing he brought up to Derrick as he walked in from work. "Dad, did you know that mom didn't graduate?!".  Just so you know, this conversation is NOT the [main] reason I am going back to school! Again, it's been a long time coming... God's timing is pretty sweet! 

Sooooo, prayers are appreciated! I start Monday. Oh dear... Monday. Thankful for an awesome, supportive husband (& kids!), and looking forward to seeing how God works in this! 

The end result will be a BA in Mass Communications- Journalism. Serious butterflies!!! 

I will soon update you on the writer's conference I attended in July.... that is where I officially decided to take the plunge immediately... lots of cool stuff to share about that amazing weekend! 

Tally ho.......