"Fill 'er up, Please"

Okay, so I've had a post in mind for a week now and for some reason, cannot get it to translate well from head to paper :( I've prayed for God to give me the words, the compilation of this jumble of information in my mind. Unfortunately, this is not the post! Sorry! I'm still praying over it; obviously, it's just not time. But it's got me frustrated!

Why can't I get this out? Am I not giving something to God to in turn get His help w/ this? Possibly.

I've been consumed lately by thoughts. Not bad thoughts, but they have been worrisome thoughts and stressful thoughts, and that IS a hindrance.... this I know. Why is it so hard for humans... or for me... to just let go??? I know that it drives me crazy! I'm going along just fine and then all of a sudden I let my worries and stresses stop me in my tracks. And then I sit. I feel like I can't get through. I need a refill, God!!!

God says it so simply in Matthew 25:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" And then in Psalm 55:22, "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

I find comfort in the scriptures, but sometimes I just let my flesh overpower what I know to be true.

"Even as I sit here now, Lord, I can feel wrinkles in my expression. I am stressed right now. I feel like I need a break. I love being a stay at home mom and I love my family, but I'm overwhelmed right now. I know that my worries and my stresses are sooooooo tiny compared to others. I look around and I know that so many are hurting right now, Lord, far more than I can begin to imagine. The thing is, I know that you care also about my trivial worries and stresses, and I know that you are far more qualified than I to handle them with the proper care. I stress because as I sit here and attempt to write for you (right?), my children are at my feet, needing one thing after another, my mind is filled with the worries of certain family members, I am everywhere but here, Lord! Forgive me! Why do I continue to worry and burden myself with these cares when I have your Promise to take them from me? I tell my youth to give their worries to you, Lord, but I can't practice what I preach? I'm ashamed. I need your help, Father, to prioritize my time. Why can I organize my closet but not my time? I need to devote more undivided time to my children. MORE undivided time to YOU, Lord... you KNOW that!!! More time to my husband. Why is it that I am home all day, and still feel that I'm struggling to finish chores, let alone spend time with you, my children, my husband, and myself????? UGH! I'm struggling, Lord, and I know only you know how to fix my boo-boos. I'm very good at making boo-boos, but not so great at the band-aid part. Help! Father I know you have a plan with this blog.... there is a reason that you are giving me thoughts, but not putting them into words yet. I want to reach others, and yet I'm consumed by my own struggles. I know you're working, Lord. I know I need to seek more. Please help me to prioritize my time and to be productive with every minute of every day, Lord. Help me be a blessing to others through you. Help me to not burden my life or anyone else's with my struggles, but place them in YOUR hands, Lord, where I know they will be better dealt with anyways! I love you, Father, and I place this blog in your hands as well, Lord. Have it and do with it what you will. Have your will upon the direction of this blog, and the direction of my life. Teach me, Lord. I don't even have to mention what I need help in; I'm just laying my troubles at your feet and asking you to meet me. I cannot do anything on my own, God, you know that! Here I am; heart, mind, soul, arms open."

..... and as I decide to look one more place, He gives me this......... God's awesome power never ceases to amaze......

Psalm 62:5, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

"I'll have what she's having!"

Ever said that? In a restaurant, more than likely, most of us have. But have you ever said that to... God, perhaps? Have you ever thought, "I'd like to have faith like so-and-so", or, "I'd love to be able to let go in worship like so-and-so"? I have; I've thought these and more, many times. I've said in posts before (yeah, last year when I last posted... get off my back!) that I'd love to have a passion to learn more about Christ like my friend Meredith. Meredith and I have never met, and may never until we reach our final destination one fine day, but I stumbled across Meredith's blog by not-so-accident one day and was just blown away w/ her yearning and passion. I was embarassed in fact, that I was a preacher's wife and didn't have half the passion I saw in Meredith.

Welllllll, here we are, over a year later, and it seems I've let a whole year slip by without even caring that I am still not there. It breaks my heart that I have pushed 'pause' in my relationship w/ God due to life circumstances; there is no excuse. Yes, I made a major move w/ my family to follow a ministry calling. Yes, I had a daughter 11 weeks early and yes, she was hospitalized for nearly 2 months. Yes, it was stressful transitioning her to our home. Yes it was stressful transitioning US to a family of 5. Yes, it's been a stressful year being away from family. Yes, life gets that way, BUT IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOO! Not-so-ironically, I typed in the wrong web address for a friend of mine's blog earlier, and it took me to her old blog, where there was but one post lingering. It was about giving everything to God and not focusing on our lives and what was and wasn't about them, but focusing on God and others, and then our lives would in turn of course make more sense! I replied to this post before realizing it was old and written earlier this past year, but then I realized there was definitely a reason I'd run into it! It is NOT ABOUT US!!!!! Nothing in this life is. IT IS ABOUT GOD. And when we come to realize this, which is difficult b/c we are human, we will all be a happier people. Yeah, even happier than after that mocha latte'!

The problem is that we just don't get it. We live our daily lives. We fall into our daily routine. We become something that we don't realize we've become until it slaps us in the face. It's so easy. Go to work. Go to church. Read your Bible. Pray. Eat. Sleep. Wake up and do it all over again. We don't want to become robotic in our walk, and yet we do. Mac Powell, lead singer of Third Day, once said, "Within our lives no matter where we could go, or who we could see, or who we could meet, or what we could earn, or be given to us, or accomplish, there is nothing in our lives that will ever come close to the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ." So then why to we put so much emphasis on everything but???? Good question!

WAKE UP!!!!!! And this time, REALLY WAKE UP!!!!!!! I'm ready! It is time to step over the edge into a spiritual journey w/ our Father that is out of the ordinary, far beyond mediocrity, OUT OF THIS WORLD AWESOME!!! I'm ready to go, and I'll take whoever wants to go w/ me ;)

"... but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

God is much stronger than your espresso.... rely more on Him!!!!