Ponies & Lollipops

Last week Avary (4), said to me as I tucked her in for bed, "Goodnight mommy; I hope you dream about ponies and lollipops." It was one of the most precious things I've ever heard... especially with her lisp! (can you hear it? 'poneethh and lollipopth')

My first day back to college after 13 years was today. Let's just say that it wasn't all "Ponies & Lollipops"... not in the least! 

The day started off with a separation-anxious six year old son. Jax (who has had many issues since the tornado last year), has had a rough time adjusting to going to first grade. This morning was by far our worst morning yet, as he clutched my leg with one arm and the door of his classroom with the other, and literally screamed, "MOMMYYYY, I NEEEED YOUUUU!!!" Talk about ripping my heart out. I wanted to grab him and run, but I knew that would solve nothing. He finally got into his classroom and I stood out of sight and lost it. I'm thankful for the perfect timing of a friend, who hugged and encouraged this momma in that moment... God knew I needed that! (thanks, Sheenah!) 

As I left the school, memories of being home with my babies flooded over me, and in the comfort of my little white minivan, I bawled like a baby.  For real. Boo-hooing at its finest. It was then that I realized we were entering [another] new season. Bittersweet, for sure. I always embrace 'new'. Welllllll, okay, not always. But I do try; I love a new adventure! This just happens to be one of those seasons that are hard for a momma to swallow, let alone embrace. But again, we have prayed and know that God is guiding us through this place, through this season. He's literally all over it, and it's exciting! It doesn't mean there won't be growing pains, though! 

So after getting home and crying to my [fabulous] husband, I wiped my tears, attempted to cover up my tear-swollen eyes, and headed to school. I was one stoplight away from the college when it dawned on me that I'd forgotten my backpack, books... pretty much every item one would require for school. Okay, you can do this... no biggie, so you forgot your books. I arrived at campus and realized I'd forgotten my laptop; not a huge deal. I'd planned on taking care of my online classes during my break, but I'd just have to deal with it later. I decided to take a deep breath and pray. Lord, was this really a good idea? Maybe I should give it up now and realize this dream may not become a reality. It's okay if it's not really supposed to happen. It was this exact moment that the lyrics of "One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture came on the radio, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me..." Okay, I hear you! You never give up on me... I'm not giving up on your plans for me!

So as I'm transferring items from my purse to my backpack, my nervous stomach decides to kick in. REALLY?!?! Yep, really. Okay, maybe I should give up NOW! (just kidding!) Sparing details, I'll just say that I spent 25 minutes of the 30 I had before class, praying in the bathroom that I would make it to class on time. Go ahead, laugh. Laugh your head off. One day I will..... 

I did make it to my first class on time, YAY! I also really enjoyed my instructor and think I will enjoy the class as well. In fact, I enjoyed all of my classes today. I'm wishing I hadn't enrolled in two online classes, however. Here I sit, not able to log onto them due to website overload at this time. Fabulous. (In the morning maybe?!)

If you know me, you know that I try to live up to my middle name, and find the "Sunshine" in every situation. So, here is the 'Sunshine List' for today, the 'good news', if you will: 

1)  Contrary to prior fear, mine was NOT the only minivan parked in the student parking lot; 
2)  I didn't run into any of my students on campus (you're welcome!)... I was only hoping not, so as not to embarrass them; 
3)  I was not the oldest student in one of my classes; and
4)  My kids had a great day at school, which is enough to cross out all of the negatives! 

"... I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know that I'm doing. I have it all planned out-- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:10-11 (MSG)