Confessions of a Slacker Christian

(Title tweaked from "Confessions of a Slacker Mom", a blog I found titled from the book.... I thought it was fitting to replace the word 'Mom' with 'Christian' for this post)

So, life is weird. You think things are going well, God is moving, working, and then all of a sudden, you stumble across something, or in this case someone, who just amazes you with stories of their relationship with God, and you are frozen and think, "WAIT, I think I'm missing something." Yep, I am. I happened across a blogspot yesterday that smacked me straight in the face and I heard something like this.......

"Hellooooooooooo, remember me? I'm God. We used to be friends, remember? We used to have an intimate relationship. You used to love and adore me and yearn to spend time with me. I see you. And yet you are not reaching out for intimacy. I hear you crying for help. And yet I don't seem to hear many praises. I miss you. Remember me?" Love, God

It was then that I felt like hiding, until I remembered that God sees me everywhere, ha! No hiding from my Daddy! And that's good, really. So yeah, I'm sitting there, reading these amazing moments that this amazing person is experiencing with God, and ashamedly, I'm thinking, "Wait, I'M the PREACHER'S WIFE, where are MY moments with God?? Why hasn't He revealed Himself to ME like this? Why does SHE get all of these cool experiences with Him?" SMACK!!!! Again, I am hit in the face. "HELLOOOOOOOO, I AM RIGHT HERE.... IT IS GOD.... YOU'RE THE ONE THAT HASN'T REACHED OUT FOR THESE EXPERIENCES.... I'M HERE FOR THE TAKING!!!!!!!!!" Ooooops again. So it's all my fault. Where did I get off track???? Not too long ago, I was there, on the mountain w/ God. Wait, that was what, 12, 13 years ago.... teenage years. Before I got my first real job. Before I let other 'things' get in the way of my relationship with God. Before boyfriends (yes, I was almost 17 before a real boyfriend!). Before I decided I was bigger and had more 'important' things than spending quality time w/ God. Yeah, sadly, now that I think about it, it HAS been THAT long since I've been at the VERY top of the mountain. I'm so embarassed to admit this.

Sure, I've been close with God since then, but not THAT close. Of course I pray daily, but things in life have overtaken me. Marriage. Kids. Ministries. And now, jobs. Sad but true that doing WORKS for the Lord can actually take your time AWAY from God at the same time! I've been so caught up in doing and going for the ministries and for my family and whatnot, that I've forgotten to give total, undivided attention to numero uno.... GOD! I guess I thought all that I was 'doing' for Him would cover me. Nope! Guess I thought that since I appeared to be a perfect Christian on the outside, I'd be okay. Nope! Yeah, that's right, I don't even listen to secular music.... it's all KLOVE or AIR1 for me buddy........ did that cover me??? NOPE! Guess I forgot that the intimacy still mattered. Shame on me. Seriously, it's ridiculous. Right now, I'm so mad at myself!

You know what the irony is in all of this? The time that I thought I was far from God was when I was closer than I am now, when I've felt like I was okay. Actually not. I've known something was missing for awhile. Okay, I am not blaming this on having to go back to work (my therapist- God- would not like that, ha!), but I do have to say that when I was home w/ the kiddos, I would pray ALL DAY LONG! Pray for strength and patience, pray for God to help me through the mountains of laundry, thank God for the time w/ my kids, pray for my husband to have a safe day at work, pray for my children, pray for family, pray for those hurting that I saw on the news, pray for Rachel Ray to come to know the Lord (hey, I think we could be great friends!).......... I was constantly praying. But at that time, I felt like I spent no time w/ God. Now that I've gone back to work, AND started a new ministry, AND become involved with a new church......... there's NO time for ANYTHING!!!!!!!! I feel bad that I don't spend enough time w/ my kids, my husband, myself........... but I have spent practically ZERO time with the person that deserves it the most. Where do I think that awesome husband, beautiful children, and everything else I have been blessed with came from?!?!?!

When I started thinking about it last night, I realized that my last Mountain period was in my teen years. I've had Mountain experiences since then, for instance on Easter Sunday when my husband and I were both filled with the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, but then after that, I went back down..... WHY?!?! I can't explain it. Again, I'm using busyness as my crutch. I once saw an email that said 'busy' stood for Being Under Satan's Yolk, I believe it! Anyways, the last time I really LIVED on the Mountain was my teens years. Then I moved into the Valley. And just as I started reaching the top of the Mountain again (Easter time), I fell....... only this time not into the Valley...... into a Canyon. And it wasn't until I read Meredith's blogs last night that I realized I was actually there. In the Canyon. Ugh, it disgusts me. Ooooooh to be on that Mountain again!

"God, send me that rope, one more time, Lord...... I need it now. I can't apologize enough for my actions. I miss you and I need you. Daddy, here I am again. Please take me back; break me and make me what YOU want me to be. You are awesome Lord and I love you more than I could ever prove. I'm ready for you to consume me. Here I am again."

Thank you, Meredith, for letting me stumble across your blogspot, and thank you for being at a place with God that made me stop and evaluate my own relationship with our Heavenly Father. Thank you for being my newest friend and thank you for understanding my place in life right now.

Pray for me and forgive me for the Christian I have been.